these wounds won't seem to heal
2003-03-26||xx||11:11 pm
i love evanescence.
anyway, i didnt get a nap.. but i showered tonight, which means i can sleep in tomorrow, which is good.
but other than that.. wow, i mean come on. why does all the bad stuff have to happen in one day?
ive been trying to get in touch with joelle forever, but she's either out, or 'busy', so can't talk to me. i even tried to email her today, and she was above her storage limit, so I couldn't send it!!! ACK!
i finally got in touch with her today.. and she totally cancelled out on me. i mean, its not all her fault.. she has all this swimming stuff, on friday and saturday. :(
but COME ON! i try and try to get in touch with her, and when i finally do, i find out i cant even come? geez.. and she didnt even try to call me?? there's something not quite right about that.
im rather upset. i was really looking forward to seeing her, i was even going to bring my clarinet with me! and we could have gone shopping.. and i just really wanted to see her, too.
*cries*
i dont even know anymore, about any of anything. everything is so uncertain.
also, i was dancing in the dance room earlier, and my ankle started hurting. of course, it was during character.. (i hate character with a burning fiery passion). it was the first time id done character since my injury, and i have a feeling the hurting was was to do with the heels on the character shoes.
it started hurting, not the muscle where it was sprained, but at the back. sort of sharper pains. so i just stretched instead, thinking it stupid to continue dancing.
it better not hurt tomorrow. ill be so pissed off. tomorrow is my first day back to ballet!
and i dont know why, but ive been feeling so sad, just this evening, because im worried and wondering, what if i never meet someone, and i never get married? i want to fall in love and get married and have a family more than absolutely anything in the world. and i mean anything. what if that never happens? what if i end up going through my whole life, never finding love? never finding that one person im supposed to be with for the rest of my life? its such a scary thought to me.. like just heartbreaking.
i dont know why im thinking about stuff like that, its really rather depressing. i dont know. but if no one is interested in me now, how should i expect for it to change? i dont know. maybe im being stupid. but somehow.. *cries*
and what if i fall in love with someone, but they arent in love with me? or they die?
the future is so uncertain
there are endless possibilities
its frightening.